A promise sounds better than a resolution!

As you would all know, that last year at times has been hell for me on a personal level. I've done a lot of soul searching, working hard to battle a war with anxiety that I still can't seem to beat all while still trying to be the best mother and partner that I can be!

One thing that I have learnt, is that I have absolutely no self motivation at times, so I can work really hard to get something going or start a new hobby, even join the gym but I will ALWAYS find some reason not to do it. 'I need to do the washing tonight', 'I might just stay here and spend some time with Jarrah', 'I don't want to impose the kids on anyone to do this', 'Jarrah works too late' and the best one - I let anxiety push me into NOT doing the things I want to do all the time!

So I thought, it is a new year, maybe it is time for a couple of new promises to myself to start the year. I stole the idea of promises off Jen from Lovely Living after reading her excellent blog post regarding her promises for 2012. The idea was based around not making a resolution and then feeling like crap when you fail to keep it. Another big driver to try turn my life around this year was the news that a family friend of my in-laws, who was also my partners best friend for many years growing up, had commited suicide. It drove in the fact that life is so precious! There are more important things in life than working too hard, fighting over little things, worrying about money, worrying about what other people think of you, needing the most newest piece of technology, having to have the best clothes and all the other materialistic things that we consume ourselves with in this world!

So, in 2012, I make a promise to myself to-

1 - Make some more time for me! For me to be an even better mother and partner, I need to look after myself and make sure that I am at peak operating performance. I need to start being pro-active in my approach to making time for me and take EVERY opportunity that comes up. I promise that this does not mean 'me time' is 'Facebook time'.

2 - Get off Facebook more and be more present with what is going on in my life in that moment. I can probably say that in the last few months I have gotten so frustrated that I will just be there on my phone and oblivious to what is going on around me. I have thrown my phone to show my disgust at this!

3 - Be a more fun playful Mum to my cherubs by engaging with them and being at their level. I can't believe how fast they are growing up, they are only little once and these are supposed to be amazing times watching them grow and learn.

4 - Make sure that the camera is always out in a place where we can all grab it and take pictures and videos. In its case in the cupboard is not where it will capture these! I mean bloody hell, we spent a fortune on that camera, I think it deserves some respect!

5 - Be an even better parter, give Jarrah everything he deserves and stop nagging him.... sometimes hehe. I am so lucky to have met someone as amazing as he is in my life. Our love will only grow more  if we both work hard on 'us' this year. He does a lot and works so hard for his family and I think that coming home and being able to relax or have the odd sleep in now and then (because I think sometimes I deserve a sleep in) without kids or me nagging will boost our relationship more! Like the saying goes 'Only give out, what you expect in return'

6 - Heal my body with excellent nutrition. I want to come off the anti-depressants this year. It has been one year, they have helped with the edge of my anxiety but have not fixed the root of the problem. It has taken a lot of research and reading some excellent blogs such as Sarah Wilson's blog and The Eco Mum's blog to get me in the mindframe to do this but I have all the facts and a great Naturopath and support system that I know I can do it - carefully, with time. All of the above will happen a lot more easier if I am happy and healthy.

Those are probably the most important promises to myself. No more backing out now, this is going to be printed out and put in my room. There will be no more 'I will start tomorrow' because when tomorrow never comes, all we had was today.

Peace, love and laughter xx

A dream that won't die!

Over last few months I have been thinking a lot about what I want to do, where do I want to head with my life. Do I want to go back into Property Management or another administrative job where I am stuck in front of a computer, dealing with tedious jobs and irate customers who seem to have nothing better to do than abuse people to make themselves feel better. Not that the problem gets sorted that way either!

I finished High School in Grade 10 to have my gorgeous son. I had just sorted out subjects for senior year so that I could get into University to study Nursing. Obviously, it was a hard decision to make as I was very young at the time but also I had to decide between a new life inside of me or my dream career.

So that is what I have been trying to work out lately. I can't let a dream that I have had since I was 15 go. If it has been in my head for that long, isn't that a good sign that it is not just one off!?

I want to be a midwife, an amazing midwife. I would love to give the support given to me when I had my son & daughter. I would love to help new mothers bond with their newborn babies, help get them breastfeeding, get them to nurture this beautiful time.

At the moment, I would need to sit an exam to get an ATAR score to get into University which I am arranging. The only University that offers the Bachelor of Midwifery is the University of Technology Sydney. University of Western Sydney will offer it in 2013. 

I am so excited to get started my goal is to start 2012/2013! 

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